I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
