I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
