why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
