Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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