how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
