Moan for me like Helen Keller
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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