Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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