My brain says no but my pants say off.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
