absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
A bitchslap is in order.
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