I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
