Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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