You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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