john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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