So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
