I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
