i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
