Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
