And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
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Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
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Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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