I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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