I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
