I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
