I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
being pregnant is like rehab
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
