Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
