Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
