How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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