I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
