Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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