Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
being pregnant is like rehab
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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