Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
is it fun? or sober?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
