so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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