I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
