did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
