Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
