After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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