I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
