I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
