fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
