Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
