I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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