So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
