I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
