wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
