WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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