I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
