onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
