Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
