My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
