He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
