somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
