the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
