If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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