'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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