And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
