I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
