they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
