BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You are a genius and a whore.
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