I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
