dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
