too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I need to sanitize my soul.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
