tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
