I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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