no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
