When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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