So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
