true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
