Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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