I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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