I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
