Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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