why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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