I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
