Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
