she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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