so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
