my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
