Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
