Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
