I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
