My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
