whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
