how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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