very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
