Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
