I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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