HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
