Your tits are I can't wait for
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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