I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
