I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
