Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
