I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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