Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
